Butterfly's Dream
by Eliza the Writer
Summary: Lau reflects upon his place in the universe. Sort of. Takes place during episode 20. T for drug references.


**This story came to me as I was re-watching episode 20 for the thousandth time. It's just a rant of sorts, with btis of plot buried in it. Enjoy!**

"One night, Shu dreamed he was a butterfly. He was a happily fluttering butterfly; it was so much fun. He could fly wherever he wanted, and he had no thought of being Shu. But suddenly, he woke up, and was startled to find that he was human. He couldn't decide: was he Shu, who just dreamed that he was a butterfly, or a butterfly, who was dreaming that he was Shu? Surely there must be some distinction between Shu and the butterfly…."

This is called the Transformation Tale. When I first heard it as a child, I didn't believe it, not in the slightest. But now, I am starting to wonder whether there may not be a grain of logic buried in that old story. After all, who is to say that this world is not just a dream, and that one day I will wake up in a place I never knew existed, surrounded by people whom I have never met, living a life I didn't know I had. After all, it is only when we wake up from a dream that we realize we were dreaming.

I understand what you're thinking. 'Even if this life is a dream, what makes you think that it is yours?' Is that right? That is a good question, and I would be happy to answer it. I don't. I do not necessarily believe that this dream is mine; it could be the dream of someone else far away, who does not even know of my existence. If this theory is to be believed, will everyone die when the dreamer wakes up, or simply fade into oblivion? It is something I often wonder; if life is nothing but a butterfly's dream, what happens to us when we die? Is it only when we depart that we return to the living world, free from this crime-soaked nightmare? Or do we fade off the map, discarded like broken toys, or pawns that are no longer needed?

I have been very curious lately about what happens after death. The curiosity burns inside of me, threatening to consume me. I wonder, perhaps now is the time to discover the answer for myself. What would happen if I rose from this long, luxurious couch, in this stuffy cabin tainted by opium fumes, and ascended to level ground. What if I stood on the deck of this "haunted" ship awhile, gazing out at the smog-filled city, holding my pipe loosely, and breathed in the night air. And then, what if I took a last puff of these poppy tears, and cast my pipe into the water. The cursed thing has brought me nothing but false dreams (dreams within a dream) and ill fortune, and I won't need it where I'm going. I will miss the taste though. The sweet sin that brings me my profit, the flavor of crime that fills my days with such entertainment.

What if, hands empty now, I stepped onto the ship's rail, spread my arms out wide, and took a deep breath. It would not be a clean breath, filthy as the city air is, but it would be my last. Better a tainted last breath than none at all, and this air can't be any dirtier than my own heart. What if then, arms spread wide, I let myself fall, slipper-clad feet sliding off the railing and clothes billowing out behind me, and plummeted down into the ocean. What if I relaxed my grip on reality and calmed my mind, feeling myself slip far away from this dream of all dreams, the dream we humans call life.

What if? There are so many 'what if's' aren't there? But they are only speculations, and they have no basis in reality. Though, if I did carry through the 'what if's,' and do myself in, what would happen? Would I die, or would I simply wake up in a life I didn't know I had, perfectly fine? After all, no one knows who is dreaming this reality, or if it is a dream at all.

I cannot die, though, not just yet, curious as I am. I have grown tired of being the pawn of the dreamer, and I feel that it is time for a change. What to be now... Yes. I will make myself a new player, a new dreamer, and I will not give up until I am in control. After all, life is fun, and it is here for the living. Who says I cannot change my fate for the better, and come out a rich man for it? Life is a butterfly's dream, and so I will become the butterfly.

"Am I Shu, who just dreamed that I was a butterfly, or a butterfly, who is dreaming that I am Shu?"


End file.
